There are many popular discussions surrounding the unique experiences and struggles of immigrant children. For example, we often hear about Imposter Syndrome, or the identity crisis that comes from feeling torn between two cultures. Although these are all great conversations to have, they never quite seem to accurately describe what I struggle with the most. In fact, I've never seen a term to define it, so I call it "The Lack of a Blueprint."
There is a sort of emptiness that lies where common ground should exist between generations. Factors such as environment, social circles, financial status, religion, political climate, etc. deepen an already widening divide. When each of these factors are wildly (and almost comically) different throughout a family structure, understanding each other proves to be quite the obstacle.
Given the unique circumstances immigrant children grow up in, it becomes difficult to solicit advice from those who do not hold the same desires as us. While one generation prioritized stability, careers, and large families, another prioritizes self-actualization, inner peace, and worldliness (Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, anyone?). The crossroads between sticking to what those closest to you feel you should prioritize versus chasing what you finally have the freedom to is a paralyzing place to stand. No one before you has had the opportunities you have. The privilege of this circumstance is not lost on many of us. However, when no one has traveled a path you're staring at, you begin to question if it's a path worth the risk, after all. If you follow it, will you regret not listening to those before you? If you follow it, will your bravery chart a new path for those after you? Unfortunately, these questions are largely met with silence, because the truth is, there is no one who can answer. No one who can give you advice. No one to point out the right path from the wrong one.
There are no footprints in the sand to follow.
Consequently, I obsessively analyze other people's lives for some sort of map or guide to make decisions that I won't regret. Surely, someone out there can tell me what to do, right? It is ultimately a maddening chase, ending with a sobering realization that the answer can only come from within. An answer that forces you to have a frightening level of blind trust in yourself.
Perhaps this is not unique to immigrant children, but rather a broader phenomenon of the changing definitions of happiness, success, morality, etc. Have we lost general definitions of these terms, and made them too individualistic? Do we have any idea how to distinguish between outdated and timeless advice?