When you’re single, it seems like everyone else is living in a romantic fairy tale. Engagements on Facebook. High school sweethearts all over Instagram. Friends disappearing into new relationships. Love songs start sounding like screaming chimpanzees.
It’s nearly impossible to stop making dangerous comparisons to the happy faces around you. Considering the widespread use of social media, there are endless opportunities to highlight only the best parts of our lives. If you’re exposed to these choreographed smiles and cheesy captions long enough, you might find yourself falling for the facade. The illusion that everyone else is in a happy and secure relationship amplifies your own feelings of loneliness, convincing you that their life is somehow better than yours.
Especially in vulnerable moments, such as post-breakup, you tend to believe things that simply aren’t true. One of the most harmful notions is the idea that you have a one true love that is waiting for you, or has passed you by.
To lift your lonely spirit up, here’s a hard pill to swallow: Your one true love does not exist. In fact, the possibility of a one true love relies on being the same person for your entire life. Spoiler alert: you won’t be.
As experiences change you, so do your needs in a partner. In different phases of your life, you’ll want different things. Your relationships with various people will change you, adding elements to your personality and character. Some people can show you what you want that you never thought of before, while others make you realize what you never want to put up with again. One person cannot possibly have every single quality you are looking for, because your preferences are ever-changing.
Now, I’m not trying to be cynical and say that you can’t be immeasurably happy with someone, because you absolutely can be. There are many people you can have a happy and healthy relationship with. However, it’s not because that person is your soulmate, your other half, or whatever else you want to call it. It’s because you both put in hard work to nurture a relationship that fulfills both of your needs and desires. Two people decided to embark on a journey with each other, instead of other potential partners they could have done it with. And that is what makes a relationship special. Not the butterflies, expensive dates, or anniversary gifts, but the act of continuously committing and choosing each other.
This hard work is never obvious to an outsider. All you see are superficial images of the “fun” parts, which can make you hyper-aware of your relationship status. It’s normal to feel lonely at times, but don’t let your mind run wild with false assumptions. You’re not missing out on a magical story, nor are you destined to be alone forever. Your path will cross with compatible people eventually. You are not running out of time, and you don’t need to rush into anything. After all, being alone and self-reliant is a magic all on it’s own.
Yessss!!!!